How do I pique his interest?

by: Sexologist and Behavioral Scientist: Helena Zitihout

How do I blend into the subculture behind the mobile phone?
Perhaps you have heard your girlfriends or some dating experts say: “Don't write until you hear from him.” Or: ”Ignore him until he will contact you." Or: "Wait until HE invites YOU out."

I understand! We women have learned that the man has to take the initiative, because if we want to know if he's interested, that's actually the only way we can know - by seeing if he takes the initiative. And it's completely true... further into the process, where you HAVE already made contact and gotten to know each other! BUT if you haven't been on a date with him yet, or you haven't even written so much as a single word to each other, you can easily take the initiative.

Here, a humorgram gives rise to a smile on the lips, you show that you are a warm and loving person who could be interested in contact with the recipient. - you can insert your identity into a QR code, - and if he examines it, he is interested and contact has been made.

Why should you take the initiative?
Because many men need to get a green light. Either because they're a bit slow on the uptake, because they don't think along those lines in the situation where you meet them, or because they're afraid of being rejected. It could also be that they're just not interested, but what do you have to lose when you don't even know each other? And then there is another really good reason for you to give them the green light. Many of the good men – that is, those with real intentions – are not used to contacting women and being active, so they need to know that they can approach you. On the other hand, many players are used to it, so if you only wait for men to contact you, you might miss the quiet, calm and real men who are actually ready for a relationship.

How do you give the green light?
You do this by smiling and saying hi to him the cutie at the gym, by sending him the first humorgram you have your eye on among your matches on Tinder or by holding eye contact a little longer than usual when you make eye contact with him the delicious one in the group there. In this way, you show that you are not unapproachable, but interested in closer contact. So you must not play hard to get, but be open, curious and welcoming and rest as much within yourself as is now possible. Maybe many women are afraid of it because they think they are promising him more than they can keep. But by sending an innocent humorous message, you are not promising anything but setting up contact and a bit of too-flirting. by your choice of humorgram you also give him a taste of what he can expect if he reacts.

How NOT to do.
Don't become so eager for contact that you demand his attention for a long time. This also applies to all relationships with people we do not know. We can't just show up to an event and then seize people's time and expect them to entertain us or listen to us for three solid hours because we don't want to mingle. The same with a man you give the green light, then you must not seem demanding in your contact. Your contact should be casual and light so you don't scare him away or make him feel like he owes you something. Approach in a friendly and flirtatious manner and then be willing to move on after a few remarks and some light small talk. Then you have created an opening and he can approach you at a later time. So you don't have to spend ALL your energy on him - you just have to throw out a line, if you want, and leave it up to him whether he wants to bite or not. It's not up to you whether he does it – you've done your part.

Choose suitable humorgrams and make a push and pull
In general, making contact is about making a small push - a small smile - a small humor gram that arouses his attention, and then making a pull, where you just pull back a little, so that he himself has the opportunity to go after you if that's what he wants. So you invest a little, but you don't overinvest, and you don't invest more in him than he invests in you.

Is it an acting game? Some might think so. I see it as pure logic. And I also see it as respect for the person you barely know, to give him permission to choose you on or off. In addition, and probably just as important, it is also to show yourself respect that you do not invest in someone who does not invest in you. Plain and simple!